Personal Hindsight Heartache Moment

Phew!  What a thought-dumping period for me right about now.  What you guys have seen written here is nothing compared to the notebooks I’ve already filled up and computer files I’ve created and perhaps you will indulge me going off on a slightly personal tangent for a moment…

Not long ago, I had announced my moving from Midlothian to Skokie to this community in a variety of ways, but mostly in the generic terms of “I am moving up north, but I’ll always be thinking of Midlothian” because I don’t like sharing my personal side very often as it tends to clutter up and confuse a point or principle I am hoping to engage people’s interest in.

I moved up to Skokie to help my parents for a while with the plan being  a full, all-out assault on every single aspect of my life getting much needed attention while sharing my specialized skills to reach a few goals of my parents.

While I was up there, you guys would have had trouble recognizing me, at least from a habitual sense.  Instead of being in front of a computer keyboard, I was busy driving around in a car, getting my hair cut at a fancy Highland Park salon (LOVE the hair stylist, btw!), new make-up, clothes, live music events, practicing piano, eating healthier…all while doing what needed to be done around the house.

What you guys don’t know is just how much heat has been thrown at me from my family for my choice to stick it out here in Midlothian and how many passionate fights we had in connection with my judgment calls each and every day.

I know some will get a kick out of the idea that my family still strongly thinks me an idiot for staying in Midlothian for as long as I have and they’ll even whip out whatever version of the DSM they choose to use to fortify their position, but not for the same reasons others choose to say the same kinds of words.

My family still thinks me an idiot because I “allowed” myself to be so abused all of this time by so many people.  Constant questioning from them as to why I wasn’t getting paid for my video taping meetings, letting people like Schavone speak to me the way they do in public and even had a moment where I had to deflect frustration(?)  I wasn’t offered a job with the new administration.

For what its worth, I will never work for government from the inside and I figured I could at least fairly pitch the Village on helping them with a variety of tasks they were clearly falling severely short taking care of, such as the website.  As I was working towards being a full time web developer back in the mid-2000’s, it seemed natural…until all these quirky things kept popping up that made it impossible for me to get a fair hearing and consideration for anything I had to offer simply because of how easy it can be in a small community to send through the offline social networks all sorts of misinformation and cherry-picked facts.

In other words, they can’t understand why I haven’t been barking back the same way I did years ago, taking on any and every organization, corporation and person who dared stand in my way of opening my adoption records so that I could defend myself against a serious allegation that might not even be defended against using the information in the records…

My taking on U.S. Bank for what I still allege to be a clearly unfair competitive advantage to the national banking system on their claim they are exempt from State statutes that limit the overdraft fee a bank can assign to $25.00.

My  taking on President Bush’s Mental Health Initiatives with original content only I was in a position to have enough experience and exposure as a documented patient to be able to confront the whole industry as a writer using the structure of the relationship being that of a consumer of a mental health product and many, many, many people wanting to offer up such a Magic Pill (that’s where my tag about being a “Retired Professional Mental Health Patient” came from the other day).

 

My sharing these past efforts of mine does not mean I was successful at any of my efforts, but the one that was most important to me was being successful at ending the threat of incarceration via mental health grounds, because without that, nothing else would ever be possible for me to pursue in my lifetime on some semblance of fair grounds to try to provide a service and actually get fairly compensated for it.

My point is, my family know sides of me none of you do and they know first-hand just what I am capable of accomplishing when it comes to confronting abuse at any and all level.  They are the ones who read my report cards over the years, had people constantly telling them just how “smart” I was…you get the drift.

More importantly, they know just how valuable my contributions are and they just can’t understand why I would “let” people here in Midlothian treat me the way that I do as the unpaid contributor to society and unfortunately, the WPA program was dissolved decades ago otherwise I’d be good to go.

But as I will always maintain, there are always other forces driving my own judgments as to just how much punishment I’ll take before I am the one who stands up and says “Enough is enough” and I sure as heck am not going to tell anyone what those are on any moment by moment basis, or even a day by day basis.

I have read of people who sat in jail cells for months because they decided they weren’t leaving until everyone else in the country had the right to vote.  I read of people who were permanently disabled and some who were dealt death by those wanting to prevent advancements of such intellectual rightness (not to be confused with righteousness).

I truly would prefer choosing to expend the rest of my keystrokes in me towards anything but politics and criminal activity coming from Government, but I still believe that we must obligate ourselves to pursue unity as a race of one, the kind of race towards markedly improved social conditions like severely reducing mass poverty and starvation, let alone our facing headlines suggesting mushroom clouds in the sky are not far from our futures if something doesn’t change…and change soon.

In other words, I am not going to just get up and walk out on this selectively silent protest against criminal activities coming from Government I ended up engaging in, even though that is not how any of this started.

It started with a known slumlord who was known to the community but not to me and my having to try to figure out where to start with the resolution process I needed when my family and I were first harassed by members of the Midlothian Police Department.

And here I am.

10 years later, still in Midlothian (we finished the work that needed to be done a little earlier than expected and had nowhere else to go), still working with the same conditions I’ve had all this time and still knowing that no matter what, as long as Midlothian keeps its heart beating in the right direction, the goodness and growth that has been so severely suppressed by so few with such powerful microphones will overcome anything that results from my choosing to use my words and my microphone to help inform the community of facts, inspire people to discuss the differences of opinions, push each other to be better people whenever and wherever we can, protect one another when the outside comes crashing upon us, whether the statistics are born from flood loss or criminal activity…

This is just one of those ideological things I know I’m not wrong about…

Just the same as the rest of you believe you are not wrong about your ideas…

And I also equally know that I have been extremely wrong about some of my ideas in the past as well and boy has it been a challenge changing them…

But at least my drumming has improved these past few months.

Now if I would just pick up my bass every now and again.

#MidlothianValerieHeart #StartBeating #OntheCountofNow #ForestallHeartache #NewDayNewInformation #NewGameNewRules #BassPlayersStillRockNRoll

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